Becoming a Millennial

The millennials really fucked everything up for everyone. Left and right, people too young to rent a car are running multi-million dollar companies. What Kool-Aid did they get and why the hell was I not invited to that happy hour?

The foundations of our workforce were built in a time where having a long-term job with a stable company meant plenty of Wonder bread and Crisco to feed the family. Things like a 40-hour work week, 1-hour lunch breaks, not conducting business on the weekend and never on precious Sunday were created. Clearly, past generations weren’t planning on an Atheist population to exist.

But what if you’re not a millennial spending your Friday nights building alogrithms for the next social media craze? What if you missed the generational wonder and are a product of the 70s or 80s? Does hard work even matter anymore or do we all look pathetic for not having started a business?

While I have my fair share of gripes about the millennials, they are an anomaly to take notice of. Is it their “fuck you” attitude that makes the prime candidates to take a business risk? Do they have genius ideas because the rest of us just deal with sending a regular photo to a friend that lasts a lifetime rather than a dick pick that gets deleted in 10-seconds?  Pretty sure Snapchat was funded by politicians…

There is no one thing that defines a millennial with the exception of the time in which they were born. I only narrowly escaped this  horrid fascinating generation by a few years. I was born in 1988 and still understand the value of manners and busting your ass to reach your goals. I moved out when I was 18, you know, when you’re supposed to. I balanced school, work and an avid social life and never managed a DUI. I didn’t wait for people to praise me for my work ethic, I just paid thousands of dollars for universities to send me a degree to confirm that. When I fucked up my parents told me I did and that I needed to fix it.

If you were built on the same values but massively envy what appears to be shear luck of milllennial success, let’s hang out. Also, continue to read.

Why Millennials Succed

  • They don’t know any better – the older you are or the more you know, rather, the more you have to lose. You know what it means to fail and to fail hard. Psychology has a lot to do with success and if you don’t associate yourself with failure, you’re likely to succeed.
  • They see the solution to your problem -  our generation and those before us are satisfied and grateful for what we have and as the old saying goes “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Wrong. If it’s working fine, figure out a way to make it better, faster, stronger ( Thank you Kanye West) and the masses will love you for it.
  • They are impatient – another useless saying we were raised on is “patience is a virtue.” Millennials don’t have time to be patient when there are Coachella’s to go to. The desire or need to get results needs to happen as fast as possible. This could be mistaken for tenacity but because we’re talking about millennials they get impatient.
  • They don’t stress over a plan -  it’s safe to say they don’t stress at all but they definitely don’t stress over making a plan. Getting started immediately on the little things that add up to the bigger picture can shave months off the process. Not to mention, not having to visualize the steps it will take to reach their goal and doubting their success, they press on and complete what they can each day.

The true value in mastering these skills isn’t just throwing on some high-waisted shorts and starting a business. It’s being able to balance the enviable traits of old-school America with the annoyingly enviable traits of new-school America. You’ll set yourself apart from the dicks not knowing how to write a check or host a dinner party. You’ll also be able to thrive in the habitat of the most hated generation.

Sales is Everything

I blame the 90s for giving sales such a terrible reputation. Selling people overpriced products and services that either don’t exist or they don’t need seems to have been commonplace. While Wolf of Wall Street is merely a movie, it is based on factual events and factual characters. Not to mention, the wretched meltdown that involved Mr. Madoff a years ago was more factual than any of us wanted to believe.

Despite it’s reputation, I love sales. I love everything about the sale from prospecting to pitching to closing. Naturally, I haven’t always felt this way and haven’t always had such a passion for it. That came years after the ridiculous paychecks did.

My first sales job came to me when I was 21. By the time I could order a beer (let’s be real…it’s always vodka), I was raking in $1200 – $1500 a week. I wasn’t traipsing around the world in a private jet but I was making more money than I could spend at the time. It more than paid for the little amount of bills I had and the humble apartment I lived in. Before that job, I was making around poverty level which is more normal for a college student.

Aside from my seemingly natural ability to sell and the money I earned, I began to understand it on a grander scale. Sales doesn’t solely exist in commercials, car dealerships and telemarketing calls. Sales is everywhere. But it’s not just in places where you are being sold to. Chances are you’ve had some experience in sales without even realizing it. Interviews, first dates, class presentations. The ultimate goal is for your audience to like and want what you have to offer. Ta da! You’re officially a salesperson!

Sales is merely the art of reading, communicating and leading people into the direction you want. It’s not about controlling them and lying to them because that jeopardizes your repeat business, reputation and your effing morals! Essentially, the better you are at sales the better you are at reading people, communicating with them and understanding them. Call me crazy but last time I checked you’re going to need to do that for the rest of your life. Why not get good at it and make mad money?

I don’t mean to say that every person will excel at sales because that’s not the case. It does take a certain type of person to do the job and continually do it well. But if you won’t know you have this potential and never tap into it, you’ll never discover you’re one of those people.

Before you jump the gun and prejudge a position that entails sales of any kind, give it a shot. Chances are you’ve probably already had a successful sale or two under your belt.


What’s in an Interview?

Whether you’re 14 going on your first interview at Burger King or 55 interviewing for the countless time, all interviews share commonalities. The interviewer aims to catch the interviewee off guard with thought-provoking questions. Meanwhile, the interviewee’s deodorant is working overtime and a near blackout experience occurs. Eventually, the sweat deposits you once formed as a youth are less substantial as you’ve gotten some practice under your belt.  Over time, the interview becomes a conversational game that both sides aim to win.

Interviews are never about the face value of the questions asked. This is the difficult concept many won’t realize until they’ve been passed over on positions they swore their bubbling personality would award them. The truth is that interviews are a mixture of psychological analysis and communicative bliss.

Telling The Truth

When I was younger I thought interviews were an opportunity for me to express my thoughts, beliefs and personality in safe zone. This is very false.

I don’t mean to say you can’t be yourself, express your beliefs and elaborate on your hobbies, but realizing how to communicate this is the crucial step. Failing to recognize what the questions you’re being asked mean can cost you the job you’re dying to land. Interviewers want to know who you are but they don’t want to know all of you. Think of interviews as a first date. Would you tell the hunk across the table you spend most of your Sunday sitting in your own weekend filth, shoving pizza down your gullet and waxing your hereditary ladystache? If you answered yes to this I won’t hold my breath on a “save the date” from you. Assuming you said no, the same can be true for an interview.

The conversation is scheduled to make sure you’re not a raving lunatic that dresses as a pirate outside of work. Aside from your external appearance, the conversation also aims to dig into who you are and if that person fits in with the culture and can help achieve the company’s goals.

I don’t encourage lying in an interview because eventually that shit will come out. “Sure, I can code…” But I also don’t mean to encourage telling the full truth if it’s going to hurt you.

Interviewer: “Have you ever had an issue with anyone you’ve worked with?”


Interviewee: “Yes, at my old job the Human Resources manager and I didn’t really get along but I get along with everyone else!”

Ideal Answer (also truthful)

Interviewee: “Working with people can be extremely challenging because of the mixture of personalities but I am very professional in how I handle difficult situations and always welcome the experience to work with new people.”

Nailed it.

The interviewer knows not everyone can get along but they do want to know you’re not an erratic employee that throws staples at people. By delivering an honest and professional response will speak volumes next to the content of the actual answer you provided.

It’s Not Just You, It’s Them

Feeling the pressure of your next interview? Don’t stress just yet. Half of being comfortable in any given situation is knowing the other person involved is feeling the same way. Finding solace in their pit stains isn’t entirely what I mean but is somewhat helpful. Realizing the interviewer is also nervous or anxious to find a good candidate can help calm your nerves.

The interviewer is looking to fill a position in the company that is either not filled or is poorly filled. Of course you know this when you found the opening, but it’s easy to forget. Thinking of the position as a casting call is one way of looking at it but could hinder your confidence. The company wants to present themselves in a specific way too. Projecting their culture, their benefits, their current team and other cool-sounding aspects of their business pulls you in. Sure, you’re the one who applied for the job but aren’t they the ones who were looking first?

How to Be a Better Interview

Being better at an interview means getting in practice. As the age old lesson taught us, practice makes perfect. Yet another realization we come to as adults that perfection is not achievable but was the only alliteration-compatible word that fit there.
Aside from practicing with your reflection the ideal questions you’d like to be asked then getting sidetracked by your receding hairline, think deeply about their content. More importantly, think even deeper about your response.

  1. Pause before you answer – Unless you know how to respond like a boss and blurt out the answer to display confidence, stop. Take a moment to digest the question, understand the “why.”
  2. Change your resume – At any given time, you should have several copies of your resume ready to send and use. If you’re applying to be an accountant you wouldn’t put your experience as a substitute teacher as a focal point. Knowing how to rearrange your skills and past work experience to feature the relevant stuff will show them you know what you’re looking for.
  3. Do your damn research - If I host one more interview that knows zilch about our company I’m going to Hulk out. Why should I care who you are if you don’t care who we are?
  4. Change your answers – This one is similar to #2 but relates to the actual interview conversation. I always ask those candidates interviewing for sales, “What is your motivator? What drives you?” Too often I get “being happy,” or “my family.” While I appreciate your sincerity we all know the answer is “money” or “being the best, being successful.” Tailor your answers around the position you’re applying for so they make sense.

Before you begin applying for that dream job, take a moment think about the process on a deeper level. Remember that not all interviews are a perfect skill-set match to the job requirements. Sometimes a great interview allows the company to invest in the belief that individual can be great.

Be infinite!


Assertive > Door Mat

I’ll go on record to say that Bambi’s mother should have been spared and Thumper’s life taken to become a really soft coat. P.E.T.A can’t get pissed because it ain’t real and I’m in full support of 3-D animals’ rights.

I say this because Thumper taught my generation and millions of other children that “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Fuck that shit.

I spent the first 20 years of my life being “the sensitive one” and would whimper at the sound of a loud voice. Conflict induced nausea and something similar to topical heat stroke on my chest and neck. I was a complete pushover when it came to any decision needing to be made that didn’t involve my weekend drink of choice. Did someone say Franzia?!

When I turned 21, I was hired into my first “real job.” When my friends were still partying and stumbling into their closing shifts at Olive Garden, I was putting in 40-hour work weeks during normal business hours. While the job’s hours didn’t change me, the responsibilities required did. The position was a sales job that helped people get out of debt. The closing tactics I learned became addicting to use one people. By using basic psychology and decent communication skills, I was able to control people down the path I wanted them to go down.

Before you whisper that I am the devil’s baby and start calling me Wolfie, it was nothing like you see in the movies. Our company helps people get out of debt and contacts people who applied for the help. We don’t take money from people and invest it in overpriced vacuum cleaners that don’t exist. Regardless of the comparison between the Wolves of Wallstreet and more innocent sales people is that we’re all the same. We all want you to take what we have and want it so badly you can’t ever see why you never had it.

Being in sales you can’t be timid or insecure in any way. Think of a sales person you know and think again if they’re you’re most quiet friend? Doubtful. They are loud, they’re assertive, their borderline arrogant but they can sell a bike to Stephen Hawking if called upon.

Assertive not Asshole

The number one assumption is that if you’re assertive you must be a raging assface. While that may be true for some, unlucky people, that isn’t the true nature of assertion. Actually, if you’re an asshole when you’re attempting to be assertive then you’re doing something wrong.

Being assertive means being able to project your point with so much confidence few people argue or attempt to sway you otherwise.  Throwing in the dickhead factor only makes people want to punch you in the face. Staying confident in your beliefs while being considerate and open to rebuttals will make your point stronger while attitude is looked at as being a weakness or immature.

This isn’t usually a skill found in young people because they’re still figuring our their confidence levels and understanding how to communicate in full sentences. Becoming assertive is a process that takes time and practice. You’ll have attempts at it that don’t work because you second-guessed yourself. Other times you’ll get a wild hair up your ass and try to fire a random bystander. Over time, however; the process will become easier and you’ll be eternally grateful for the rewards you’ll reap.

Why Be Assertive?

Because being assertive gets shit done. Unless you’re still living as your 4th grade self, you know the world is a nasty place. I’m an optimist but I’m also a realist. The older I’ve become, the more I realize the “let’s all hold hands and sprinkle glitter on each other” is less of an eternal truth and more of a gay pride gesture.

As Hobbes and Machiavelli explained, we’re inherently evil creatures that operate under a self-interest. I don’t necessarily think anything is wrong with that simply due to nature. Have you ever seen a spider let his friend eat the food he caught in his elaborate web? Fuck no! He ate the hell out of that fly and his friend in any attempt to take it. It’s not because said spider is an asshole it’s because he’s being assertive and taking what he’s rightfully earned.

The world doesn’t have to be a miserable place where people don’t speak to one another or help out for the greater good. I’m in full support of helping each other out and being decent human beings along the journey of life. But as much as you shouldn’t confuse being assertive for being an asshole, don’t also confuse being nice with being a push over.

Saying something people don’t want to hear makes us uncomfortable but being uncomfortable makes us grow. We adapt to a way to get past it and find confidence solace in a new area of comfort.

How To Be Assertive

  • Don’t Ask – my German mother taught me that to get people to do what you want, tell them don’t ask them. While that might be slightly aggressive for some, it works.
  • Be Confident – any sense of insecurity will allow those more assertive than you to smell that bullshit from miles away and cower beneath them.
  • Avoid Aggression – being well-spoken, confident and calm is one of the sexiest set of characteristics anyone can have. The second you get loud, aggressive or disrespectful in any way, you’ve just ruined any shot at people respecting and complying to you.
  • Respect > Fear - as Michael Scott so profoundly put it, “Do I want people to love me or fear me? Both. I want people to be scared of how much they love me.” Nailing assertion means gaining the respect of your audience, not compliance through fear. 

I guarantee if you master this life skill you will lead an infinitely more satisfying life. Protecting you and furthering your self-interest will only happen if you make it so.

Be infinite!

The One-year-old Elephant

We’ve all experienced that situation where a massive elephant is chillin’ in the corner of the room and not one person cares to acknowledge it. To avoid a similar situation let’s talk about the one hanging around my blog.

It’s been over a year since my last post.

My blog vacation was not an active decision nor a proud one. My life became so consumed with pursuing my graduate degree and being a bomb ass bridesmaid, I no longer had the time to complain about my love handles. While the semesters came and went and life slowed during some months, the care and finesse it takes to please my followers still wasn’t available.

I’m proud to say I am  3 months away from my MBA and not actively in any weddings this year. While the time I wanted to spend on my blog has returned, I’ve still been hesitant that my voice was no longer relevant. The one “talent” and hobby I’d pursued my entire life was now the one thing I questioned. This quickly subsided when my amazing friends reassured me otherwise.

Little did I know my absence was widely missed by those I cared about most. As inconsistent as life can be, my voice served as a moment of escape on a consistent and reliable basis. Then I bounced and left my online family orphaned.

Just like a dad from the 50s, I’m ready to return to my family and attempt to my version of child support. This time around things will be a little different so get ready. While I’ll still post fitness and health-related topics as they happen, I intend to encompass all things life has to throw my way. Namely, attempting to identify as myself as an adult and the struggles I experience in doing so.

Should be pretty fun :)

4 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without Trying

Today is Valentine’s day and my Facebook feed is already flooded with three types of people. Those who are actually celebrating and make this day all about sex, love and Barry Manilow. The second are those who are “so single I could take a shot!” These people will hit the Valentine’s day happy hour specials and bitch about relationships or celebrate their singledom. Then probably hook up with a ho later this evening. The last are the worst. The mother-fucking haters. “Ugh, Valentine’s day is just a Hallmark holiday….I love my girlfriend all the time, not just today.”


The latter are the ones that irk me the most. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t celebrate with rose petals and baby bunnies either but is it too difficult for you to just play along and buy her some God damn chocolate?!

Celebrating today won’t make your relationship any less strong and it won’t show the world you’re a sap who wasted money on an overpriced Hallmark card. It might be an extra date night or a bill at a restaurant but most times that get’s you some booty for the night.

Valentine’s day isn’t terrible but the people who make it that way, are. These are the same Grinch’s that get pissed Christmas cheer begins in November and holiday music makes them queasy.

Stop making the holidays such a terrible time of year and just breathe. Making them a more horrid day or stressful time than they already are only makes you look like a dick and doesn’t make you any happier.
If you’re not a romantic person there are a bazillion things you can do followed by “well, because it’s Valentine’s day,” that will get you out of the dog house until Easter.

4 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without Trying

1. Make something - seriously, make anything. The thought of someone cutting a heart out of a paper towel and writing “I love you like a paper towel when something spills,” will be retardly hilarious and thoughtful.

2. Make their day easier – this can literally be anything. is he/she running late to work? make their breakfast, pick out their clothes, make the bed. would it kill you to be a decent human being and help them out?!

3. Acknowledge the day – those people who think ignoring Valentine’s day no matter how many times you and your sig. other vowed now to celebrate, are IDIOTS! Ask her in person, email her, text her, communicate with her in some way asking these 5 words “will you be my Valentine?” I promise, she will rub your pee pee later.

4. Give the gift of love – can’t afford shit or don’t want to? stop him/her at some point in their day in the middle of their sentence and just hug the shit out of them. to seal the deal, give them a sexy little kiss. people are too afraid to be affectionate when sometimes that’s all we really need.

That’s my rant for today. The reason this holiday was invented is because people spend 90% of their time being cynical bastards that complain about all the “terrible” things in their life. If anything, take the day to just be a bit less of a grump and a little more of an optimist.

Guest Post: Ditch the Gym, Get Ripped

By Duncan Faber
I wasted 41 years trying to get in shape.  And I wasted it by going to the gym.
a before-after-2
My gym was state of the art.  You wouldn’t believe the assortment of extremely expensive, high-tech machines they had there.   This was the kind of equipment that the average person could never afford, so it had to be good, right?  It was shiny and new, and to be honest, it looked like fun!   Some you had to climb into, others you had to get on top of, and others you had to slide under.  Cool!
The first few times I used these contraptions, I really loved them.  I mean, I sat down… I read the instructions, I adjusted the chair height, then the arm distance, then I read the instructions again…  I mean, I was able to waste a lot of time getting these machines set up just right.  Perfect for a guy wanted to go to the gym, but didn’t really want to work out.
And once I was locked into these beasts, it was great place to people watch.  In between sets, I wasted all sorts of time staring at people.  And not just the beautiful people.  I wasted a lot of time staring at the ugly ones too.
Sometimes before getting comfortable, I’d grab a towel and wipe off the sweat and cooties that the previous patron left for me.  But sometimes, I just sat right in their grossness.  It’s the gym.  It’s okay to spread filth and contagion, right?
Of course, sitting at one of these colossal machines made perfect sense to me.  I mean, we spend all day sitting at our computers, then the rest of the day sitting in our cars… why not sit in a machine at the gym?  (Did you just hear a record scratch?  Yeah, me too!)
The problem was, even though I was using these awesome machines for so many years, I didn’t look any better than I did when I first enrolled!  And judging by the other people who used them, they weren’t getting in shape either.   In fact, the people who had really great bodies went nowhere near these things.
When I first joined my gym, I received a tour from the sales woman sitting at the front desk.  She had a killer body.  (Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing her using any of this equipment either.)  During the tour, she gave me a speech about how each of these machines mimicked a different body movement.  There was one that simulated moving weights above your head.  Another simulated pushing weight away from your body.  There was a treadmill that simulated running, a stairmaster that simulated climbing stairs, there was a machine that simulated doing chin-ups, and another that simulated doing crunches.  There was a lot of simulation going on, but not a lot of the real stuff!  That right there should set off alarms.  The benefits of each machine, she stated, were that they targeted specific muscles.  This would ensure good form as well as prevent injury.  But isn’t that completely counter-intuitive?
Your abs consist of 4 major muscle groups:  the rectus abdominus, the external obliques, the internal obliques, and the transverse abdominus.  The ab crunching machine targets the rectus abdominus, while giving the other groups the day off!  Why should they get the day off?!?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to engage as many muscles as possible?  Why not just lay on the floor and instead of simulating crunches, actually do them!  The problem is, a gym that puts an empty mat in front window isn’t going to attract any customers!  Toys!  Everyone wants to ride the fun toys!
And the same holds true for the other expensive machines.  Instead of climbing into a military press machine that takes the pressure of your core, why not grab a few dumbbells and engage your core?!  Okay, but at least the machines make sure your form is good, right?  Bull!  How is making some muscles strong but keeping other muscles weak good for you?  If you’re worried about form, ask for help and take it slow.  Seriously, how long does it take you to learn good form?!
My point is, technology is not required to get you in shape.  A hundred years ago, there were no gyms.  You got in shape by working in a factory, or laboring on a farm.  The motions that people used to pick up a bale of hay and set it on cart…?  Today, we call them “squats.”  And those motions that you do on the treadmill?  Back in the old days, people called it “running.”
Last year, I ditched my gym membership and went old school.  I bought one of those home exercise DVDs that they sell on infomercials.  It seemed a little expensive at first, but when I broke it down, it cost less than two months membership at my local gym.  And the gym wasn’t actually getting me fit!  The high-tech machines are long gone, and in their place are push-ups, chin-ups, and simple movements using only my body weight.  In one year, I’ve dropped 21 pounds and now have a six pack.  A 42 year old man with a six pack!  And how did I do it?  By not going to the gym!
To learn more about how Duncan Faber reclaimed his youth, visit:

Should you Gym with a Clique?

I would say about 95% of the time, I work out completely alone. No friends, no family, and sometimes no music thanks to my week-late replacement batter from Amazon.
My gym schedule is made purely from the information I research online and decide that is what I need to be doing. Sometimes I see changes, other times I don’t. Every now and then I roll with a posse to the gym but mostly, it’s just

I prefer it this way. I’m not a loner by any means but I am perfectly comfortable doing things by myself. The gym and shopping are actually the two activities I prefer to fly solo.
But am I as productive as I would be going with a friend or multiple friends?

Probably not but sort of.

Why Rolling with a Clique is Better

  • you are either the best in shape or the worst –  going with someone else either makes you feel even better about your physical condition or shows you what you might not otherwise have known. going with someone who is your superior, may motivate you to get to work.
  • you share info -  maybe she knows a move that you never even thought to do. maybe you show her how to tighten her ass. either way, both of you will give each other what you were missing in venturing alone.
  • you have confidence – no one acts the same alone as they do in a group. you’re comfortable and more outgoing which could be an asset in a gym setting. it may give you the support you need to try new moves or classes since you know you won’t be alone.

girls working out

  • you get appreciated but unexpected compliments – good friends compliment each other. the only compliment you get when you’re alone is from the creeptastic weirdo listening to Cat Stevens near the free weights. taking a friend will increase the odds of her telling you what an awesome stomach you have not t0 mention, you can give her a little boost too.
  • you become accountable – if you back out now, you’re letting your friend down. it gives you the extra motivation you need to get moving that you may have talked yourself out of in a solo venture.

Why Being the Lone Ranger is Better

  • you don’t waste time – let’s be real. you will spend the time you need to at the gym if you go alone. you will spend an extra 30 -45 minutes at said gym going with someone else. for girls, it’s an opportunity to catch up, gossip and hang out. all of which cannot be done in an hour’s time.
  • you get distracted – forgot the number of reps you were on? so did she and now you’re suddenly done. being alone allows you to focus on you and get in your zone.
  • you share the workout – when you hit the gym with someone else, there tends to be a lot of idle time watching her do lunges. unless you can get your butt moving at the same time, you’ll lead yourself to numero uno: wasting time.
  • you hold back – if you’re in better shape than your partner you may hold back on getting the workout that you need and do a little less. that won’t kill you but doing it too often will make you less likely to go with them in the future and less likely to make progress.
  • you hurt yourself – let’s turn the tables and say you’re the one in less shape than she. if you pretend you can do what you know you can’t just to keep up with six-pack Sally,  you may actually hurt yourself.


Weighing the options, it’s all a matter of preference. I don’t think one overrules the other because I think you need to learn how to do both to get the most out of working out. Both offer something the other doesn’t and incorporating them into your gym schedule may be the boost you need.

If however; you’ve gotten more cardio in during a shopping trip then it may be time to ditch the bitch.

Sick > Gym

I think I have spent more time worrying if I am getting sick than actually being sick.


I absolutely was not playing sick but I never actually got sick. I started feeling “weird” on Thursday and it didn’t go away come Friday at which point I thought I was definitely going down. All day I went in and out of feeling sniffley and sneezy then felt fine a few hours later. I usually eat just as much when I’m sick as I do when I’m well so that’s never any indication. However; I wasn’t feeling hungry on Friday which was a bit concerning and somewhat new to me.

I stayed at work all day because I needed a distraction. When I’m coming down with something I usually succumb to it and let it take over my body and my brain. Being that next week is an off week from school and the weekend is a girls beach trip, I don’t really have time to get sick. I started downing Emergen-Cs like they were spiked with tequila and hoped for the best. I stayed positive and when people asked me how I was doing I replied the same way all day “meh, but we’ll see!”

When I got home from work I relaxed, still made dinner and tried to carry out my wifely duties as usual. Because Husband-face was confident I would be germ-ridden by Saturday morning, he started offering to do EVERYTHING. He offered to change the sheets, he got our Saturday lunch, he let me choose the Saturday afternoon movie. Even though I wasn’t that sick and actually started feeling much better by late afternoon, I kind of let it happen.
My thing is if I handle 90% of the household duties 90% of the time, then I deserve to take advantage of him offering to change that.

As much as I didn’t want to skip the gym I did on Friday and Saturday because I still wasn’t sure what the fuck I had going on. Once I knew I was perfectly fine and had beat the shit out of those Mucinex-looking germoids, I was ready to get back on the proverbial saddle.

mucinexIt’s Sunday and I feel like a million bucks! I’ll be at the gym today, finishing homework to start a week without any and celebrating the Superbowl at my parent’s house. I’m cheering for the Ravens because my sister goes to school with Ray Lewis’s son. Go RAVENS!

Call me Jane Balboa

Weeks ago, my sister asked me to join her for some school assignment where we had to go take a kickboxing class at a local gym. I know, what school does she go to and what’s her major? The gym the class was held at what ended up being the same gym I took last Saturday’s TRX class at and more recently, took a Monday night cardio boxing class.

I’ve always known that my sweet demeanor must surely be a front for some underlying anger that I seldom let out. Over the years I’ve seen glimpses of this beast when I get really upset and throw something like a child. When I really discovered the demon is when I took a few cardio kickboxing classes at a different, martial arts gym. There was something about beating the shit out of a bag, my partner’s gloves and my body that felt oddly therapeutic.


The cardio boxing class I took on Monday was no different and if anything, made my addiction to beating the shit out of something strengthen. I’ve never boxed or taken any true classes on form or self-defense, but I find myself naturally falling into decent form. The class was an hour broken up in to 15 minutes of warm up, 30 minutes of bag work and 15 minute cool down aka core destruction. It doesn’t sound bad when you think in those terms but slamming your fists into a bag for 30 minutes is 1.) exhausting, 2.) so empowering you can’t help but hit harder next time, 3.) making it perpetually more exhausting.

The best part about the entire class was that it’s taught by the number 1 ranked “cruiserweight” boxer in the world. Is he retired, you ask? Um no, he just had a fight as recent as September. His name is Francisco Palacios and he’s hails from the island of Puerto Rico. He’s 6’2″ with a massive heart and one of the nicest people I’ve seen work at a gym. Did I mention that he’s fought 23 fights and won 21 of those. Out of those 21 fights, 13 of them were by knockout. Oh, and he has his own Wikipedia page. Needless to say, we have a mothereffing champ teaching an army of college kids how to fight. Is this illegal?


The combination of a badass instructor that could take anyone at anytime, coaching us how to box against massive bags in a gym with an actual ring in it and Mr. Ali staring at you from posters galore, it’s hard not to get in the fighting zone. I got a little lost in the punches and left with bruised knuckles from my lack of hand-wrapping under my gloves. Who knew 3 inches of padding wouldn’t be enough?

The workout ended up being one of the best I’ve ever had and left me feeling so good, I considered coming to their 6 a.m. class. Considered. Now I get why Rhianna went back to Chris Breezy.
As I’ve previously written about, I get distracted from a workout very easily. It’s not that I’m bored but eventually I find something better that comes along and love more. I have 27 days left of unlimited classes and by the end I will evaluate how I feel. If I still love it with every masochistic bone in my body, good-bye Planet Fitness, hello boxing world.


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