Today is Valentine’s day and my Facebook feed is already flooded with three types of people. Those who are actually celebrating and make this day all about sex, love and Barry Manilow. The second are those who are “so single I could take a shot!” These people will hit the Valentine’s day happy hour specials and bitch about relationships or celebrate their singledom. Then probably hook up with a ho later this evening. The last are the worst. The mother-fucking haters. “Ugh, Valentine’s day is just a Hallmark holiday….I love my girlfriend all the time, not just today.”
The latter are the ones that irk me the most. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t celebrate with rose petals and baby bunnies either but is it too difficult for you to just play along and buy her some God damn chocolate?!
Celebrating today won’t make your relationship any less strong and it won’t show the world you’re a sap who wasted money on an overpriced Hallmark card. It might be an extra date night or a bill at a restaurant but most times that get’s you some booty for the night.
Valentine’s day isn’t terrible but the people who make it that way, are. These are the same Grinch’s that get pissed Christmas cheer begins in November and holiday music makes them queasy.
Stop making the holidays such a terrible time of year and just breathe. Making them a more horrid day or stressful time than they already are only makes you look like a dick and doesn’t make you any happier.
If you’re not a romantic person there are a bazillion things you can do followed by “well, because it’s Valentine’s day,” that will get you out of the dog house until Easter.
4 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without Trying
1. Make something - seriously, make anything. The thought of someone cutting a heart out of a paper towel and writing “I love you like a paper towel when something spills,” will be retardly hilarious and thoughtful.
2. Make their day easier – this can literally be anything. is he/she running late to work? make their breakfast, pick out their clothes, make the bed. would it kill you to be a decent human being and help them out?!
3. Acknowledge the day – those people who think ignoring Valentine’s day no matter how many times you and your sig. other vowed now to celebrate, are IDIOTS! Ask her in person, email her, text her, communicate with her in some way asking these 5 words “will you be my Valentine?” I promise, she will rub your pee pee later.
4. Give the gift of love – can’t afford shit or don’t want to? stop him/her at some point in their day in the middle of their sentence and just hug the shit out of them. to seal the deal, give them a sexy little kiss. people are too afraid to be affectionate when sometimes that’s all we really need.
That’s my rant for today. The reason this holiday was invented is because people spend 90% of their time being cynical bastards that complain about all the “terrible” things in their life. If anything, take the day to just be a bit less of a grump and a little more of an optimist.