If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 27 years, it’s that being healthy is cool. For some reason, when you’re a kid, the coolest thing in the world is to pollute your body. Shoving wads of Starbursts into your pimply-faced mouth hole and washing it down with a Capri Sun was commonplace. Despite their label claims, zero fruits were murdered in the making of those products.
College is probably the worst time of your life that your body experiences. At least for me. I was the exact opposite of healthy and if I wasn’t bragging about how many beers I could snort, I was thinking it. Even when I wasn’t putting terrible substances into my body, I was depleting it from the good stuff.
Eventually that stops being cute and is not only repulsive but it’s irresponsible. Wow, I can’t believe how crotchety I just sounded.
But seriously, there are some pretty basic healthy habits you should be doing daily. If not for any other reason than to just avoid being fucking gross.
- Dental care – Take 3 minutes each morning and night to brush, floss and mouthwash all the sinful things you put in your mouth. Your mouth is saturated with so much bacteria, it could probably start a pandemic.
- Scrub your Face – Anyone who has a face needs to be washing it. Whether you shower that day or not, you need to be spending a solid minute scrubbing all that gunk out of your pores.
- Listen to Hulk Hogan – I don’t care what brand they are but take some damn vitamins. I had to buy the gummy ones so I would be excited to take them and not forget. Turns out, it’s my favorite part of the day and haven’t skipped since I bought them.
- Sleep – Not everyone needs the same amount but you better be damn sure it shows when you don’t get the hours of sleep you require. You’re a bitch to deal with and the bags under your eyes are the exact opposite of adorable.
- Moisturize – I didn’t realize this wasn’t something everyone did. I have horribly dry skin and despite the sexual attraction you feel toward me now, it’s not as sexy as it sounds. Not wanting to grow old and yolo-ing forever will only work if you don’t look like you’re 30 going on 54.
- Tune Out – Be completely and 100% alone in your thoughts. Most people have their best ideas in the shower because they are relaxed and alone. No phone, no one else to talk to, just alone.
- Hydrate – Basically the same thing as moisturize but you’re doing it from the inside. I drink close to a gallon of water everyday because I’m addicted to water. It wakes me up, it gets rid of my pseudo hunger pangs, suppresses that horrid breath Greek food gives me, helps me digest said Greek food and about 5 million other beneficial things.
- Eat Whole – Eating and sleeping are neck and neck for me in that they are equally blissful. I don’t eat healthy every meal of every day but I try to incorporate whole, natural foods into most if not all of them. At this phase in my life eating Twinkies for breakfast and Sour Patch Kids for dinner isn’t ideal.
- Eat A Lot – Starving yourself is so 7th grade and ain’t nobody got time for dat. As long as you make mostly healthy choices and don’t have buffet-style lunches, you should be able to manage between 5-6 portioned meals and snacks per day. Your metabolism will thank you and your ass won’t be eating your bikini by summer.
- Stretch – I’m kind of obsessed with yoga right now despite not being a “yogi.” Sitting all day and carrying most of my stress in my neck and shoulders, I’m the size of a raisin by 5 o’clock. Taking some time to regrow your body and stretch out the office chair hunch you created will feel awesome and your muscles will appreciate it by not withering away.
- Avoid Crazes – The health industry annoys the shit out of me. Eat 500 pounds of protein a day and magically you’ll be a fitness model! FALSE. As long as you’re eating healthy (assuming you know what that means) don’t worry about having meat in everything including your desserts.
- Shake it Off – Holding onto toxic people, events or thoughts can make you age faster than smoking. Learn to let it go and realize life is too short to sulk. If you have a problem with someone or something, deal with it however you can. If letting it go is an option then do that. Either way, figure out the solution and shake that shit off.
- Love Someone – I once read 3+ hugs a day are what humans need to emotionally grow. Despite the truth in that, I firmly believe in showing and receiving love every day. Talk to your family on the phone, cuddle with your dog, hang with a friend or converse with a hobo. I don’t really care who you choose to devote your love to but give it to someone and make sure they give you some too.
- Laugh Hard – I’m a seldom serious person and as much of a curse as it is in non-comedic situations, it’s an even bigger blessing. All of the people in my life have 1 thing in common, they laugh with me. I hear it’s great for your abs but I’m pretty sure it’s even better for my brain.
- Don’t Fear Judgement – A few years ago I started letting my fear of being judged, go. If I wanted cheesecake I ate it. If I wanted to avoid the shower for 3 days, I did it. Life is way too short to not being doing whatever the fuck releases endorphins.
Of course there are always more things you could be doing outside of this list. But these are some pretty basic principles to avoid being a grumpy, grudge-holding, skinny, yellow-smiling dirty bird.
Am I missing some crucial habits you incorporate? Talk to me and share with me your healthy habits.