Don’t Pinch Me, I’m Scottish.

Few things are worse than looking like a complete idiot. The feeling is well recognized if you’re hitting puberty until about age 50. Before then you’re a semblance of our ancestors and after that you have so few fucks to give, it doesn’t seem worth it to give them often.

I recently discovered that I am 100% Scottish from my dad’s side of the family. My visiting grandmother helped my step mother piece together a ton of our family tree via I was fascinated to find there were about 4 male names our family used for 100 years and my name is as old as it sounds. Engrossed as I was in learning about family I didn’t know from countries I wasn’t expecting, was pretty awesome.

But sadly, I have spent my entire life telling everyone I am half German (this is confirmed…or so I think) and half Irish. I mean what family that loses their minds for all things Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics isn’t Irish, right?

Fast forward to college when my sister took an Irish literature class and learned more people claim to be Irish than there actually are Irish roots. We both laughed at all the dumb asses we know say that and enjoyed a judgmental moment.

Well as of Sunday, a mere two days before all things green and leprechauns, I was told I’ve never been Irish. I actually had to Google St. Patrick’s Day just to make sure the Scots weren’t a part of that celebration. Nope, definitely completely separate.


But had my grandmother not confirmed our heritage and had my step mom not developed an espionage hobby, would I have ever found out? Did any of the Jacob McWilliam’s or Sarah Jane Warham’s not leave us a paper trail or a journal notating the woes of their Stateside journey?

Turns out I’m not alone and everyone’s family screwed them. According to a press release on, “one-third of Americans don’t know the name of their great-grandparents.” What’s crazier is that of the melting pot we are, “27% of us don’t know where our families came from before they arrived in America,” (

That is just pure laziness to me because America isn’t that old in the grand scheme of human life. Pick up a laptop and use Google or pick up the phone and harass your grandparents. In my defense, I was always interested in my history and thought we were Irish. My dad did too so we weren’t lazy just completely ignorant to our family’s history. Big difference.

But I can’t say I’m sad in any way because everyone claims to be Irish whereas so few really claim to be Scottish. I’m a fad follower for sure but I love being different so this was bag pipes to my ears. Um….let’s just say music, those things are god awful.

Looking into it even further, Scotland is even 10x more bad ass than Ireland!

  1. Scotland’s official animal is the unicorn. A UNICORN.
  2. They created golf, the ultimate gentleman’s sport.
  3. Fortingall Yew is a 5,000 year old tree just chillin’ in my homeland.
  4. Their accents.
  5. The built Hadrian’s Wall (ehem…Game of Thrones much?) to keep those annoying Roman’s out.
  6. They put plaid on the fashion map.
  7. Alexander Graham Bell was a native Scot before he popularized the gabbing device, Stateside.
  8. Origins of the ATM and the fax machine also start in Scotland

Despite my ancestral revelations, I can’t say I’m too mad about it. We seem to be some pretty bad ass people who despite having Europe’s 3rd highest murder rate (woopsie), seem to be an okay little clan.

What about you? Do you have any clue where you came from pre-America? Are you 100% sure that’s accurate?

All Scotland facts courtesy of

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