Work Victories That Everyone Secretly Cherishes

After a long week of birthday goodness and work, IT’S SATURDAY! Yesterday also marked Husband Face’s second week back to work so him and I share equal enthusiasm for weekends now.
I also just found out he has an “It’s Fucking Friday” dance. Picture Rebecca Black’s Friday song and the part in Garden State where Natalie Portman does a weird squirm.

But as much as I love my weekends, there are some things I deeply cherish at work. I’m not saying they are more cherished than even the worst part of a weekend, but they keep me from punching my computer screen and peeling out in the parking lot.

A friend of mine actually suggested this topic to me in a recent conversation. Realizing I agreed and was relieved for not being the only person who experiences these victories, a blog topic was born.

  1. Finding the Handicapped Stall is Free – As the same friend explained it to me “it’s like getting bumped up to the Presidential suite…for free!” There’s something about additional bathroom square footage that says “this is going to be the best 5-10 minutes of your day.” You get your own sink, your own mirror, and even one of those nifty little parallel bars in the event you just want to ease yourself onto the toilet. Normal thoughts usually consist of:
    > “Look at all this room!” as I stick me feet out from the toilet.
    > “Should I lean back and relax for a few minutes?”
    > “Should I take my pants off off?”
    > “I should have brought my phone.”
    > “Will anyone notice if I just work from here?”
    > “I just shit but maybe I’ll try again.”
  2. When Your Boss is Out – Whether they announce it weeks in advance or unexpectedly send you an email they won’t be in, it’s always amazing. No matter how cool your boss is, any time they’re gone for the day, the week, forever, it’s the most freeing experience. Suddenly, you’re the boss of your cubicle and it’s fucking awesome. You decide how long you spend perusing BuzzFeed, you decide how many coffees you inhale and you decide on if you get any actual work done. It’s kind of like being an entrepreneur only not at all and usually ends within a day or two. But those 48 hours of freedom are so god damn sweet.
  3. When Your Computer Hates You – As annoying as it is to have your technology fail and prevent you from working, it’s secretly gratifying. From all that time spent on horribly phishy websites, your computer decides to take a giant nap and not wake up. You either make a trip to IT or have them make a visit to you. Either way, it usually ends up being some problem they’ve never seen before and determine they need to operate on it immediately. Being that you’re completely immobilized your only choice is to hang out with the IT guy. If you’re lucky he’s pretty awesome and you keep him company while he performs some computer spells. If he’s a fucking lunatic you’re sure is a serial killer, you dick around on your phone and pollute friends’ Snap Chats. Finally, 3 hours later your computer is fixed and your paycheck isn’t affected.


  4. Unexpected Building Fails – A few years ago, I was at work and heard a massive explosion. Not from the bathroom but an actual bomb-type, car accident sound. Come to find out, a transformer (not Optimus Prime or anything actually cool but one of those electrical apparatuses) exploded into flames outside of our building. The fire was mild and scary, sure, but the POWER WENT OUT! Being that no one had any clue when it would be back, we got to scamper off hours early. Oddly enough, this same miracle replayed itself at later job but that was due to the landlord not having paid the bill. Regardless of the reason it’s

Being that I am pretty confident these are only the tip of the iceberg, I’ll find more and report back to you when I do. Unless you have some you would like to share with the group in which case I’ll be back much sooner.

Until then, I hope just thinking about them made you hate Mondays a little less and brought a smile to your face.

2 thoughts on “Work Victories That Everyone Secretly Cherishes”

  1. Also someone in the office has reached a milestone and work stops to celebrate (especially when food is involved) also love a fire drill

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