Faux Carbs

Once more, Friday has arrived! Is it just me or has there been a Friday within 24 hours of this entire holiday season? I’ll be happy to get back on track with a set schedule well into May.

Getting back into a normal regimen, I have also been trying to get back into a normal diet and exercise. I don’t have any new year’s resolutions to loose 10 pounds but I am working very hard to stay disciplined. If I loose 5 pounds, gain some muscle or ditch some fat along the way, PERFECT. I’m just trying to be as healthy and happy with myself as I possibly can.

Husband-face is also attempting to take a crack at this but with a distinct goal of loosing 10 lbs. He’s been known to get manorexic this time of year or as he claims, me underfeeding him.

I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to my marriage and my house. I cook, I clean, I bake and he plays video games. Maybe we’re more like the modern old-fashioned. However, I can’t always serve both us the same meals for the sole fact that we weigh about 30lbs different from each other. If I’m eating egg whites and peppers for dinner, Husband -face would not only think it were April 1st but he would probably get one of those malnourished belly bloats and literally die. Because he needs more substance and I don’t want to sacrifice my goals, I’ve gotten creative in the kitchen.

The easiest thing to substitute is simple carbs (e.g. bread, white pasta, tortillas, etc.). Not all simple carbs are made horribly but most are. There are some great alternatives to the sugar noodles which are usually made with whole wheat flour or even veggies. But I’m trying to ditch these unnecessary carbs as my last meal of the day and prefer to stick to fresh vegetables. Here are just a few recipes that I eat on a fairly regular basis and have even converted H-face into liking!

Turkey Burger W/ Lettuce – we used to eat turkey burgers every week but I got sick of wasting carbs on a bun and I’m not one of those people who can eat my burger w/o a bun and a fork instead. I saw this done in a magazine once and tried it out. Instead of a bun, wrap your burger in an iceberg lettuce leaf. The lettuce makes for a fresh and crisp alternative to something that can be upwards of 100 extra empty calories. If anything you’re killing two birds with one stone since most people put lettuce on their burgers. Even better is that this type of lettuce is usually available at BBQs. You can wrap up your burger and be a trendsetter rather than eating your burger with a utensil.Lettuce-Wrap-Burger


Tacos in Lettuce Cups – Husband-face actually requests this one! It’s the same concept as the turkey burger only Mexican. That was not a racial slur, I promise. You can use iceberg or romaine lettuce but the iceberg lettuce tends to hold a lot better. Add in your meat, veggies and condiments of choice, hold like a taco, and give ‘er hell! It’s fresh, it has the crunch of a hard taco and folds like a soft shell. Overall, it’s a pretty easy way to trick your brain into thinking it’s a tortilla.


Spaghetti Squash or Broccoli & Meatballs – I jumped on the spaghetti squash bandwagon and wasn’t that big of a fan. I don’t think I cooked mine long enough because what came out weren’t strings but mush. I basically made squashed potatoes and meatballs. Before I give that another try my favorite alternative which I stole from Sister-face is oven-roasted broccoli as pasta. I’m not sure what it is about the oven-roasted flavor mixed with tomato sauce and some turkey meatballs but all the flavors work perfectly. It’s as if broccoli is actually what’s supposed to be in this dish and pasta was a ploy by the government to distract us from using precious broccoli. I’m still working on that theory but in the meantime I’m chowing down on this shiz.


It’s easy to eat the same thing as the other person or people you’re serving but it doesn’t have to be that way. Not only are these alternatives easy to incorporate into a dinner, they are in my opinion, better! They make the recipe a interesting enough that others may try them and enjoy them all the same. They may also think you’re completely un-American for wrapping your burger in a leaf of foliage but fuck ‘em. It’s your ass, not theirs.



6 thoughts on “Faux Carbs

  1. Thank you so much for posting this! It can be quite challenging to change your eating habits, and it is certainly impractical to cook two meals: one healthy, balanced one for you, and whatever the husband wants to eat. These easy substitutions are great compromises. Surely, all husbands are cut from the same cloth, as mine would have the same concerns yours did when served a “boring” meal.

  2. Love the taco in lettuce idea!! My husband will love it too.

    Love your blog – so easy to read and you are easy to relate to. Keep it up!

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