Every year, my husband and I carry on his family Christmas tradition that favors his Jewish roots. We enjoy a wholesome Chinese delivered dinner accompanied by a Christmas-released film at the theater.
This year, North Korea (and Sony for that matter) fucked up my happy family tradition.
Aside from me and Kristen Wiig being uncontrollably irate, Sony has also pissed off our President. Can you imagine? The leader of our country literally wants to bitch slap you. Opinions and political judgments aside, that’s a shitty day to have the President hate you. Sony really could have spared themselves a lot of hate mail had they just asked Kanye to describe how that feels.
I get that there is a legitimate fear North Korea might come get us. It’s scary, no doubt. They’re fussy and annoying and really hate us. But cancelling a movie made by two best friends that smoke a ton of weed and write hilarious scripts seems inefficient.
I’ve never been to North Korea but I hope that’s obvious. I’m therefore forced to ignorantly assume they don’t have any fun. Like ever. So, maybe they just don’t know how it feels to have Christmas ruined.
Maybe they’ve never known the fun of a snowman decorated sugar cookie or the bliss of a holiday eggnog buzz so they’ll never really know true happiness. In the event they are as unhappy and sensitive as my assumptions believe they are, I’ll be dead within days and all my Snapchat toilet nudies will be leaked.
I also can’t ignore pointing the proverbial finger at Franco and Rogen. Not for making the film despite prior threats, but for not recruiting the right spokesperson. Did everyone, including those two, forget that Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un are besties? Because I am confident Rodman has few skills outside the court, there couldn’t have been much political or business dialouge in their meetings. Not only did Dennis get him to smile, I think KJ is even sucking down some type of Korean beer liquid.
Kim Jong Un might not know the true meaning of joy but by the looks of it, he does enjoy sugar cookies and is just in serious need of a hug