The 5th Season: Award Season

All year long I wait for this time of year. No, not the testosterone filled Football Season. Fuck no to that. No, not the dreadfully stressful Christmas/Holiday Season. No, not winter because I live in Florida.

The season I wait all year long for is Award Season…and my birthday which should be an entire season at length but that’s considered “tacky.”

One of my favorite times of year is when the house isn’t littered with elves and other tiny men but with normal decor. When holiday parties aren’t polluting my weekends but copious wine drinking is. More importantly, when Sundays become a time of celebrity gawking and all things wonderfully glamorous.

Perhaps it’s because I secretly want to be one of those beautiful or horribly awkward people walking the red carpets of Hollywood. Or perhaps its because I want free Moet Chandon and a glam squad. No matter the reason, I love it to the depths of my soul.

With the Golden Globes a mere 1 hour away and me 1 wine deep, I conjured up some of my favorite things about this time of year.

10 Things I Love About Award Season

1. The glamour. Everyone looks amazing and flawless and absolutely perfect it makes me sick.

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2. Hot men in perfectly tailored suits.  Put a man in a tailored suit and I’ll kill a baby just to be around him. There is nothing hotter than a man who wears a killer suit.

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(soaked)

3. Jennifer Lawrence falling. There is something so comforting about seeing someone fail at life and by life I mean simply walking. Love you Jlaw!

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4. Hugh Jackman’s wife. How has no one talked about this before? Am I the only asshole willing to say that it’s a fucking anomaly how she landed him? What’s more? HE’S HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER! Either way, I always enjoy seeing them together.

usmagazine.com
usmagazine.com

5. Giuilana Rancic’s atrocious interview skills.  Again, is no one else talking about this? I once watched an interview with her and Demi Lovato and I thought I was going to kill myself with the dull end of my wine glass. Among her poor question asking, she looks bored to tears. I hate to be a basic ass bitch but I literally can’t.

6. Attempting to translate Sofia Vergara’s speech. Seriously, what the fuck is she saying? I can’t tell if she’s constantly in Latina character or if that’s actually her accent. She’s beautiful to look at but trying to decipher her interview answers is stroke-inducing.

7. Loser reaction cam. I’m probably a horrible person going to that place Christian’s believe exists below my feet but I love watching people lose. Okay, I take that back. I love to see the award “loser cam” catch their reactions before they realize their on camera. Better yet, I love to see the losers withholding their actual reactions because they know they’re on camera and can’t say what they really feel. It’s like watching someone hold in a fart and it’s oddly gratifying.

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8. I always hope a celebrity will get drunk enough to reply to my incessant tweets. I use these shows as opportunities to get buzzed enough to tweet celebrities and in turn, hope they will be hammed enough to respond. It’s quite the Sunday around here.

9. To see who Jack Nicholson will prey on.  In case you missed it, last year Jack Nicholson confessed his undying lust love for Jennifer Lawrence. She acted like any normal, 24 year old would….SHE WAS FREAKED THE FUCK OUT! I can only hope he’ll be lurking somewhere nearby this year.

zap2it.com
zap2it.com

The rest of my night will be filled with waiting for these inevitable moments and refilling my vino convinced if they can do it, so can I.

Hungover on a Monday is always shit but mostly well worth it. Cheers to that my friends and happy award season!

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